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"A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language."
"A Pun is A joke or type of wordplay in which similar senses or sounds of two words or phrases, or different senses of the same word, are deliberately confused; To tell a pun, to make a play on words."
Above definitions from: e-Forwards.com - Funny Emails.
View more definitions of a Pun from The Free Dictionary.
Pun from Wikipedia.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
27. I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ~ Smitsy
28. The barber opened up a shavings account. ~ Adele - Bohemia, NY
29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry? ~ hamrag - London
30. The phone call interrupted my nap, and I never did get the rest. ~ Dave - Whittier, CA
31. A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. ~ Anonymous
32. I used to be afraid of purchasing residential property for the purpose of renting, but now I have an apartment complex. ~ Kathy - Nashville, TN
33. Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. ~ Dave - Coventry, UK
34. It's amazing what two or more sinners can achieve together with synergy. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland
35. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. ~ Anonymous
36. I'm inclined to be laid back. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland
37. I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance. ~ melman-kyusa
38. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. ~ Zac Hill
39. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, Nebraska
40. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
41. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
42. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
43. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
44. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
45. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
46. The batteries were given out free of charge.
47. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
48. A will is a dead giveaway.
49. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
50. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
51. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
52. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
53. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
54. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
55. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
56. Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
57. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
58. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
59. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
60. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
61. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
62. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
63. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
64. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
65. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
66. The guy that fell into the glass making machine made a spectacle of himself.
67. I had amnesia once --- or twice.
68. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
69. They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
70. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
71. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
72. Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be, so enjoy this day while it lasts.
73. Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
74. Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
75. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
76. I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
77. I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
78. In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
79. My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
80. People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
81. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . . A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
82. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
83. A group of chess enthusiasts were standing in the hotel lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to leave. "But why," they asked. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
84. "If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." ~ Mark Twain.
85. "Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries." ~ Douglas Casey.
86. Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. ~ From What Confucius Didn't Say.
87. War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left. ~ From What Confucius Didn't Say.
88. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. ~ From What Confucius Didn't Say.
89. A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood! ~ From What Confucius Didn't Say.
90. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? ~ From MIStupid.com.
91. Why are Softballs hard? ~ From MIStupid.com.
92. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? ~ From MIStupid.com.
93. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
94. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
95. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
96. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
97. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. ~ Jack Handey.
98. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
99. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
100. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
101. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
102. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
103. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
104. Time heals all wounds, but time also wounds all heels.
105. Roger Caras: "Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
106. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
107. The reason a dog has soo many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
108. Andy Rooney: "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
109. "Everything I need to know I learned from my dog: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them." ~ Anonymous.
110. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
111. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
112. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
113. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
114. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
115. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
116. Why is it called "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
117. Does "expecting the unexpected" make the "unexpected expected"?
118. Why are "wise man" and "wise guy" opposites?
119. Why are "overlook" and "oversee" opposites?
120. If love is blind, why do women wear lingerie?
121. We put suits in garment bags and put garments in a suitcase.
122. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
123. At Christmas, many of us sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of our socks.
124. We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.
125. Dear Milkman: Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.
126. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
127. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
128. The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. ~ Alexander Chalmers.
129. Figuratively Speaking: Example of a Brain Study.
If you can read the following, you have a strong mind:
F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 15
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
130. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. ~ Mark Twain.
131. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. ~ Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.
132. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! ~ Pericles (430 BC).
133. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. ~ Winston Churchill.
134. Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. ~ Sri Chinmoy.
135. Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes collected by Uttara Manohar.
136. We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes collected by Uttara Manohar.
137. Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. ~ Pun of the Day.
138. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. ~ Pun of the Day.
139. I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. ~ Pun of the Day.
140. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, NE.
141. Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living. ~ Jose - Miami.
142. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall. ~ Pun of the Day.
143. Alarms: What an octopus is.
144. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. ~ Kurt Cobain.
145. You can agree with me, or you can be wrong. ~ Edgar Argo.
146. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.
147. In London, one man to another:
"You know, my daughter has married an Irishman."
"Oh, really?"
"No, O'Reilly."
148. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
149. What do you call a male ladybird?
150. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. ~ George Bernard Shaw.
151. From So You Think French Is Hard? Try English . . . PD Workshop: Creating a Basic Web Page - Web Page 36 by Lorenzo Morra:
• I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough.
• Others may stumble but not you, on hiccough, thorough, tough and through.
• Well done! And now you wish perhaps to learn of less familiar traps?
• Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird.
• And dead -- it's said like bed, not bead -- For goodness' sake, don't call it deed.
• Watch out for meat and great and threat (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
• A moth is not a moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother.
• And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear or bear and pear.
• And then there's dose and rose and lose, just look them up -- goose and choose,
• And cork and work, and card and ward, and front and font, and word and sword,
• And do and go, and lone and gone, and wart and cart -- Come, come! I've hardly made a start!
• A dreadful language? Man alive!
• I mastered it when I was five!
152. This drain must be opened up because it is stopped up. See more UP words at Are You UP for This?
153. Patient: "I've hurt my arm in several places." Doctor: "Well, don't go there anymore."
154. What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. ~ Yiddish proverb.
155. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. ~ Albert Einstein.
156. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. ~ Albert Einstein.
157. What hair color do bald people put on their drivers license?
158. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
159. Church sign: "Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet Him."
160. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. ~ Bill Clinton.
161. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ~ Barack Obama.
162. Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. ~ Tommy Lee.
163. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
164. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
165. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
166. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind and the ones that mind don't matter.
167. Posted Signs and Notices: (~ From More Road Signs ~)
● In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
● In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
● In the window of a dry cleaner's:
SAME DAY DRY CLEANING - ALL GARMENTS READY IN 48 HOURS
● In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
● Outside a furniture shop:
OUR MOTTO: WE PROMISE YOU THE LOWEST PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP
● Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
● Sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
● In a counselor's office:
GROWING OLD IS MANDATORY
GROWING WISE IS OPTIONAL
● In a dental office:
BE TRUE TO YOUR TEETH OR THEY WILL BE FALSE TO YOU
● Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
● Sign in a picture shop:
LET US PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE AND FRAME YOU
● Notice in restaurant:
OUR CUTLERY IS NOT MEDICINE SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT AFTER MEALS
● Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
● Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
● Sign on a newly painted bench:
WET PAINT - WATCH IT OR WEAR IT
● Sign in London pizza parlour:
OPEN 24 HOURS - EXCEPT 2 A.M. - 8 A.M.
● On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
● Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"
168. Winston Churchill Vs. Lady Astor
Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
169. New York Mayor Ed Koch to Andrew Kirtzmanafter, the reporter: I can explain this to you, I can't comprehend it for you.
170. Georgia Guidestones:
From Wikipedia: A message consisting of a set of ten guidelines or principles is engraved on the Georgia Guidestones [June 1979] in eight different languages, one language on each face of the four large upright stones. Moving clockwise around the structure from due north, these languages are: English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese, and Russian.
● Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
● Guide reproduction wisely improving fitness and diversity.
● Unite humanity with a living new language.
● Rule passion faith tradition and all things with tempered reason.
● Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
● Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
● Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
● Balance personal rights with social duties.
● Prize truth beauty love seeking harmony with the infinite.
● Be not a cancer on the earth Leave room for nature Leave room for nature.
171. I've never met a Bitter person who was Thankful. Or a Thankful person who was Bitter. ~ Nick Vujicic, LifeWithoutLimbs.org.
172. It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live. ~ Bette Midler.
173. It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends. ~ From ThinkExist.com.
174. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. ~ From ThinkExist.com.
175. Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable. ~ Oscar Wilde.
176. A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally. ~ Oscar Wilde.
177. Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders? ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
178. If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough. ~ Albert Einstein.
179. Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted. ~ Albert Einstein.
180. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
181. The only way to have a friend is to be one. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
182. As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
183. What is not started today is never finished tomorrow. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
184. He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
185. Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
186. Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
187. By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
188. In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
189. Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
190. Common sense is not so common. ~ Voltaire.
191. If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. ~ George Bernard Shaw.
192. Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
193. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
194. The mind is everything. What you think you become. ~ Buddha.
195. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ~ Winston Churchill.
196. The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. ~ Winston Churchill.
197. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~ Winston Churchill.
198. Nobody can hurt me without my permission. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
199. An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
200. The Roots of Violence: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, Politics without principles. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
201. An injured friend is the bitterest of foes. ~ Thomas Jefferson.
202. I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. ~ Robert McCloskey.
203. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde.
204. I speak two languages, Body and English. ~ Mae West.
205. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ~ Reinhold Niebuhr.
206. A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~ Chinese Proverb.
207. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~ From Short Funny Quotes.
208. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.
209. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing one's eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"
210: The English language has some wonderfully collective nouns for the various groups of living organisms:
• an Ambush of Tigers, Widows
• an Army of Caterpillars, Frogs
• an Aurora of Polar Bears
• a Babble of Barbers
• a Band of Robbers
• a Bask of Crocodiles
• a Battery of Barracudas
• a Bed of Clams, Cockles, Mussels, Oysters
• a Bloat of Hippopotami
• a Board of Trustees
• a Brood of Hens, Chickens
• a Cast of Actors
• a Charm of Hummingbirds
• a Choir of Singers
• a Clan of Hyenas
• a Class of Students
• a Clew of Worms
• a Cloud of Bats, Grasshoppers
• a Clutter of Spiders
• a Cohort of Zebras
• a Colony of Ants, Beavers, Rabbits, Rats, Seals, Termites, Wasps
• a Company of Parrots
• a Congregation of Magpies, Worshippers
• a Congress of Baboons
• a Crash of Rhinoceroses
• a Crew of Sailors
• a Culture of Bacteria
• a Den of Snakes, Thieves
• a Destruction of Wildcats
• an Eloquence of Lawyers
• an Exaltation of Doves, Larks
• a Faculty of Academics
• a Fall of Lambs
• a Family of Otters, Sardines
• a Flight of Butterflies, Dragons, Insects, Pigeons, Swallows
• a Flock of Birds, Camels, Chickens, Lice, Sheep, Tourists, Turkeys
• a Flush of Ducks
• a Gaggle of Geese, Women
• a Gang of Buffalos, Hoodlums, Workmen
• a Herd of Cattle, Cows, Dinosaurs, Llamas, Moose, Seahorses, Swans, Yaks
• a Host of Angels
• a Huddle of Walruses
• an Illusion of Magicians
• an Intrusion of Cockroaches
• a Knot of Toads
• a Leap of Leopards
• a Litter of Pups
• a Mess of Iguanas
• a Mischief of Mice
• a Mob of Kangaroos, Wallabyies, Wombats
• a Murder of Crows, Ravens, Rooks
• a Nursery of Raccoons
• an Orchestra of Musicians
• a Pack of Hounds, Wolves
• a Parliament of Owls
• a Picket of Strikers
• a Pity of Prisoners
• a Plague of Locusts
• a Pod of Pelicans
• a Posse of Police, Sheriffs
• a Prickle of Porcupines
• a Pride of Lions, Ostriches
• a Quiver of Cobras
• a Rhumba of Rattlesnakes
• a Rookery of Penguins
• a Run of Poultry
• a School of Fish, Porpoises, Whales
• a Scourge of Mosquitoes
• a Shiver of Sharks
• a Shoal of Fish, Mackerels, Minnows
• a Shrewdness of Apes
• a Slate of Candidates
• a Squabble of Seagulls
• a Squad of Soldiers
• a Stable of Horses
• a Stuck of Jellyfish
• a Stud of Mares
• a Surfeit of Skunks
• a Swarm of Bees, Eels, Flies
• a Team of Athletes, Oxen
• a Tribe of Natives
• a Troop of Boy Scouts, Chimps, Monkeys
• a Troupe of Acrobats, Minstrels, Performers, Shrimps
• a Watch of Nightingales
~ From: Collective Nouns.
211. I think, therefore I am. (English).
Cogito ergo sum. (Latin)
Je pense donc je suis. (French)
Ich denke, also bin ich. (German) ~ Ren้ Descartes.
212. Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up. ~ Jesse Jackson.
213. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou.
214. It's always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
215. THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.
216. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
See also:
● Funniest Puns and Jokes (Pun of the Day). Site contains over 3500 puns. Searchable.
● Funny English (Page One).
● Funny English (Page Two).
● Clean Women Jokes.
● Clean Men Jokes.
